By: Karen Schwartz Triana LMHC and Yvette Triana LMHC
As Thanksgiving approaches, many people focus on gratitude for family, friends, and life’s blessings. But for those carrying self-blame, past mistakes, or lingering guilt, finding things to be grateful for can feel hollow without first finding self-forgiveness. Learning how to forgive ourselves is essential, not only for emotional healing but also for fully embracing gratitude. This season offers an opportunity to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) skills to let go of past burdens, make space for self-compassion, and deepen appreciation for the present.
Step 1: Reframe Negative Self-Talk to Cultivate Self-Compassion
Self-blame often begins with persistent negative self-talk—those internalized messages that we “should have done better” or that we are somehow “not enough.” One of the first steps in CBT to change self-criticism into self-compassion is to confront these thoughts through cognitive restructuring. By identifying and challenging distorted thoughts, we can create space for more balanced, realistic thinking. Replacing critical ideas with nicer, more constructive ones can be achieved by rephrasing them using supportive, kind words, according to renowned self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m always messing things up,” try rephrasing it as, “I made a mistake, but I’m learning from it and doing my best” and replacing harsh self-judgments with compassionate language, we open up to the idea that it’s okay to make mistakes. This shift is essential for building gratitude for our resilience, growth, and ability to learn from life’s challenges.
Step 2: Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present
One useful cognitive behavioral therapy technique is mindfulness, which enables people to concentrate on the here and now rather than on regrets from the past or worries about the future. We become more conscious of the positive aspects of our lives and our accomplishments when we remain in the moment. Mindfulness is about “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally,” according to mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) creator Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Before your Thanksgiving dinner or family get-together, do a grounding exercise to promote mindfulness. Pay attention to your breathing, your surroundings, and the good things in your life. By preventing the mind from wandering into self-critical territory and managing anxious sensations, this practice can help you completely experience appreciation for being in the moment.
Step 3: Recognize and Appreciate Personal Growth with a “Gratitude Journal”
Journaling is a powerful CBT tool for identifying positive aspects of one’s life and tracking growth over time. When focused on gratitude, journaling helps people reflect on how their past experiences—including mistakes—have contributed to their current strengths and values. Resilience and self-worth are strengthened when growth experiences, lessons gained, and opportunities for progress are documented. Because it teaches the mind to perceive and value wonderful things, no matter how tiny, gratitude writing is linked to greater pleasure and well-being, according to positive psychology research.
This Thanksgiving starting a gratitude journal focused on self-forgiveness and growth. Write down a lesson you’ve learnt from a past error or a trait you’re happy to have acquired throughout the years every day. In addition to strengthening self-compassion, this exercise acts as a reminder of your individual journey. This exercise gradually helps you change your emphasis from blaming yourself to being thankful for who you are right now.
Putting It All Together
Combining these CBT skills can provide a comprehensive approach to both self-forgiveness and gratitude. Reframing negative self-talk, practicing mindfulness, and journaling for self-growth are powerful ways to cultivate inner peace and appreciation. This Thanksgiving, consider making self-forgiveness and gratitude a personal tradition, using these CBT techniques to develop a deeper, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
As you gather around the table, remember that each journey is unique and that self-forgiveness is a continuous process. By embracing both your strengths and your mistakes, you are allowing yourself to experience gratitude from a place of wholeness and peace.
If you’re struggling or need extra support this holiday season, Caliper Wellness is here for you. Our therapists can help you practice and learn not only CBT skills, but a range of other effective techniques as well. If you need medication management, our psychiatric nurse practitioners are here to assist you. We’re dedicated to supporting you on your journey toward self-forgiveness and gratitude.
References
- Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion.
- Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
